Once upon a time, long, long ago a sweet King and a pretty cool Queen ruled over a distant land.

(click to enlarge)

They were kind and lovely and all the people of the realm adored them. The only sadness in the Queen's heart was her unfulfilled wish that all the Vixens could have a handsome protector.
One winter's day, the Queen was sitting doing her embroidery, daydreaming, and gazing out the ebony window frame at the newly-fallen snow. Suddenly, an ugly little fly from LOCI-land flew by the window, startling the Queen. Alas, she pricked her finger on her needle! A single drop of her precious bright red blood fell onto the snow outside. As she looked at the blood on the snow she said to herself, "Oh, how I wish that there was a handsome protector for the Vixens - one that had skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, hair as black as ebony and an arse as tight as this embroidery thread - just for the dear, dear Vixens!"
The King just happened to be riding by at that very moment, mounted on his magnificent steed, and he heard his darling's lament from out of the open window. "Aaw, she is so thoughtful a Queen," he said to himself. "I must do all that I can to help her!" So the sweet King went to his workshop and worked his sweet butt off. In just seven days, he had made a man who - sure enough - had skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, hair as black as ebony and an arse as tight as an embroidery thread. The King named this enchanting creature Goren. And since the King was very wise, he gave him a wand, endowed Goren with size thirteen feet and taught him how to do magic.

Goren spent the winter with the King and Queen, and in the spring, when the snows had melted, he left the castle and ventured out into the world to seek his fortune. He soon became a famous Detective. He was handsome, strong, smart and brave. Whenever darkness fell, the light of his smile drove away the shadows; wherever the forces of evil worked in secret, the Detective was there to thwart their dark designs. And so it was that the pretty cool Queen's wish came true and all the Vixens were happy!

When Goren was a mere eight seasons old, a witch who was as proud as she was cruel came to them from a dark, dark land. When she heard about Goren's power and of how MUCH he loved his Vixens, the witch flew into a jealous rage.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall," she said. "How can I best this man so tall?"

But the mirror did not answer.

The witch fixed him with an evil stare and laughed loudly."White as snow, red as blood, black as ebony wood! But where are your magic powers now?!?! Ha ha ha ha ha! The Vixens shall never adore you again!" Then her cruel and jealous heart was at rest, as well as a cruel and jealous heart can ever be at rest, that is. The witch flew back to the dark, dark land from whence she came.
The Vixens learnt with great sadness of the enchantment that was laid upon their Detective and each of them lay down upon their little bed and sank into unconsciousness. There fell a deep silence over the whole realm.

But fortunately, the Good Fairy Eames was guarding the Detective. She appeared in a puff of Dior (2010 summer collection) and blue smoke, and immediately told him to consult the Guardian of the Fruits of Wisdom.

Goren traveled for thirteen days and thirteen nights through unknown lands, until he reached The Garden, and found The Guardian. Dropping to his knees, he asked him what he should do to lift the witch's curse. "There is only one who can help you: The Emperor of LOCI-land", the wise Guardian said. "One hundred years ago the witch locked him up in a dark dungeon. Free him, and he will give you your reward. But beware of the hell hound that guards the dungeon!"
And so Goren plucked up his courage and jumped on an internal magic carpet flight to take him to LOCI-land. The crew of the magic carpet listened to Goren's story as they were flying over the Bavarian Forest and, feeling sorry for the Detective and his Vixens, they handed him a candy that would protect him from the hell hound.

Finally, Goren arrived outside the dungeon where the Emperor of LOCI-Land languished, his impassioned pleas for clemency ignored. The dungeon was as dark as the guardian had said, and the hell hound was truly evil, but Goren tamed him easily.

And, thanks to the purity of his heart and to his HUGE tool, Goren released the Emperor.

The Emperor, eternally grateful to Goren, looked up his magic books for something to break the witch's spell.

After studying his books for a little while, he said: "Only sweet kisses can bring back the magic power to you." Goren knew then exactly what to do. He ran to the Vixen's beds where they still lay, waiting for their rescue. Goren kissed them awake and said: "I love you all more than anything else in the world. Come with me to my lovely creator's castle. You shall become my wives and SnarkAngel." The Vixens loved him, and they went with him. Their multiple wedding was planned with great splendor and majesty.
The wicked witch was not invited to the feast, of course. But she decided she would go anyway, to wreak more mischief, just because. When she had arrayed herself in her most beautiful garments, she stood before her mirror, and said:

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?"

The mirror answered:

"You, my dear, are fair; it's true.
But Goren and his Vixens are a thousand times fairer than you!"

Enraged, the Witch threw her bottle of Chanel Number Five at the mirror and shattered it into a million tiny pieces of glass.

That afternoon, arriving at the wedding feast, she looked at the scenes of joy around her. Her black cold heart was filled with despair when she realized the truth - that her disguises did not protect her any longer, and no black magic would EVER be enough to wrest Goren from the embraces of his Vixens. Finally, the evil witch was arrested and banished from the land forever. Oh, and the ugly little fly, too.
The grand wedding celebration carried on, and everyone danced and laughed. The honeymoon is reputed to have lasted thirteen years.

And the handsome Detective and his Vixens lived happily ever after.

- The End -

Nooo, that is of course not the end! The pretty cool Queen made many other wishes and so Goren and his wives and husband had many amazing adventures before finally returning to the distant land.
But that's another fairy story.


  1. What a great tale!!(Not to mention his great tail!)

    You outdid yourself. I LOVED it!

    I bow to "your highness."

  2. ... and goren's seed overflowed - and the land overflowed with adorable curly haired brown eyed little gorens and cute green eyed button nosed vixens cubs - he was a very happy and satisfied man when he surveyed and counted all the loving in his life - as numerous as the stars in the sky and grains of sand on the ocean bed - and he thought about bed and went to seek his numero uno mrsbg
    thank you jazzy for a fairystory with a happy ever after ending

  3. What CI episode is that one where he's standing in front of the armor?

  4. Marvelous story, Jazzy! Very clever! It warmed my heart!

  5. Now that's the perfect fairy tale, every Vixen gets a Goren for their Happily Ever After! Very clever post!

  6. Oh Jazzy, I read your blog for so long now, but still time after time you amaze me with your imagination!You are truly gifted to give us vixens what we need!!!!!!!!
    Hail to the Queen of blogstories about VDO!!!!

  7. My pleasure, guys. It's always great fun for me to entertain you!

    Ann, to make sure we have a lot of quality time with our man, we'll have to hire a dozen nannies for all these cubs.

    Heather - FPS S3 E10

  8. What a wonderful and exotic story, dear Jazzy! Reminds me of some very fun and inventive cartoons from years ago called "Fractured Fairytales." LOL! They were very sick and twisted and hilarious! Thanks for the laughs, Babe! XOXO

  9. I remember the "Fractured Fairytales"! They were great! Were they on the Rocky and Bullwinkle show or is my mind playing tricks again?

  10. in my writing class we had an exericse where we turned fairy tales on their head - hansel and gretal ran circles round the witch - that kinda thing

  11. I love a happy ending.

  12. Anonymous8:56 PM

    Now that's my kind of fairy tale :0)

  13. Great story wish it was true.

  14. Yes Ruby you are right 'Fractured Fairy Tales' were on Rocky and Bullwinkle, now that's what I call quality entertainment! I enjoyed Mr. Peabody and Sherman a lot myself!

  15. Hahahahaa, this is wonderful! My favorite parts - the hound was tamed (such a cute doggie with our darling Goren), and the ugly little fly! Wish someone would have stepped on that thing.
    Good going, jazzy!

  16. My favourite bit is where he tames the Hell Hound.

  17. You all made me curious about 'Fractured Fairy Tales'. Rocky and Bullwinkle show, okay, I have to do research at yt. Who knows, perhaps I'll find some inspiration for 'Bobby's Fairy Tale Part Two'.

  18. Lozzie, isn't it the most fearsome and bloodlusted hell hound you've ever seen? lol